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NearlyGood.com - Joke - Engineer And Manager Joke

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.” “You must be an engineer” says the balloonist. “I am” replies the man. “How did you know.” “Well” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.” The man below says “You must be a manager.” “I am” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

I’ve put the whole joke here, since NearlyGood.com has popups, and they are bad, so now you don’t need to go there!

Tax Man Uses Special Computer for Bill Gates - OSNews.com

Bill Gates has revealed that the US taxman cannot process his tax return on its standard computers. Speaking to a Microsoft conference in Lisbon, Bill said that his fortune was too large and pendulous for the tax office computers. Apparently they just run screaming when they see his bulky dossiers. The tax office have had to splash out on a special computer that can accomodate all those 00000000s without squealing like a pig.

Yeah, they use a special computer. It’s called a Macintosh.

Brandon: As if there weren’t already enough reasons to laugh at Nickelback I started downloading this, just for fun. And then listened to it when there was about 750k downloaded. I could not believe just how similar these two songs are. The drums play the same beat. The guitar riffs are pretty similar too. And then the heavy part starts. And it’s at exactly the same time. Does Nickelback have a formula for creating their songs? I have to finish downloading this, it’s just too good. (And I wonder if the person who originally mashed them up is a fan…?)

Love Generation [Club Mix] • [Bob Sinclair][2] • [Chillout Sessions 8][3] ★★

[2]: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Bob Sinclair%22 [3]: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Chillout Sessions 8%22

Boing Boing: Drunken gluttons order and eat 100-patty hamburger Man, Boing-Boing gets the best news.

F e M a l e d i c t i o n s That’s whay I like. Anatomically correct heart-shaped soap. How romantic:

I love to browse bookshops. Back in the day, when I had money, I always bought at least one book. Now, I spend more time at libraries and second-hand bookshops. On Saturday, as we tried to avoid the heat, we went to the movies at Marion Shopping Centre. We saw Mrs. Henderson Presents…, but more on that later. We ate at Shenannigans, but more on that later. We had a coffee at Coffee Club, and I won’t elaborate on that.

However, after all of this, we still had a little time free, so we went into Dymocks. I tend to looks briefly at the specials, and then head over to the Popular Science and Non-Fiction sections. After browsing for a little while, I came across a collection of the Onion. I read a bit of it, and took it over to show Jaq, as there was something funny on the front cover. I think it was:

US Military clears A-Team of all charges

I used to love that show. Anyway, back onto the story. After flicking through it for a few minutes, I returned to the shelf I grabbed it from. And imagine my surprise in what section that was: Now seriously, Dymocks. It doesn’t take a very long read of the Onion to realise that it’s not Non-Fiction.

I Guess We’ll Just Have To Adjust: The Creatures In His Head Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous video games…

Fall On Me • R.E.M. • [The Best Of R.E.M.][4] ★★

[4]: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22The Best Of R.E.M.%22

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage. (Shamelessly poached from http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/por/102351114.html)

USATODAY.com - Pastor who preached against gays arrested on lewdness charge Ah, the irony.

Tauquil’s Blog | The Bugs are Haunting Me Scary stuff going on here!